I used to LOVE second shooting weddings. But it had been a while since I had… so late last summer when my friend and fellow photographer Alison (from Grace Creatives) asked me to shoot a wedding with her in the fall, something unexpected happened…

I was filled with FEAR. For some reason, the idea of second shooting with another photographer suddenly freaked me out. It had been YEARS since I’d been a second photographer. I was used to running the show myself (with my own husband as my second shooter) and being the only one working along side couples. What did working with another photographer as a second shooter even look like?!

So silly, right? But in that moment, I found myself stressing over doing my literal job. But then it hit me. I wasn’t stressed over photographing a wedding – it’s been my profession for eight years – but I was scared of messing up or not getting exactly what the main photographer had in mind.

Translation: I was nervous of disappointing someone and not being good enough.

People pleaser, right here!!!! Anyone else?!

I started digging deep into this insecurity of mine and began asking myself some hard questions. You see, I personally think that working for myself is way easier than working for others. I’m pretty hard on myself, and I push myself to meet challenging goals. But in the end, if I mess up or fail, it’s just ME I’m letting down. I can then work through it, give myself grace, forgive myself and move on. But failing the expectations of someone I’m working for or with?! NOPE. I’m rather someone just bury me in the ground so I don’t have to face the disappointment. I HATE letting people down.

1.) I never want to see anyone upset. I’m a feeler and have a lot of emotions (hello to someone who cries at random commercials!). So when I have let someone down, I feel it. Hard.
2.) I never want to be the root of another’s disappointment. When I feel that other person’s pain and know that I am the cause… ugh. THE WORST.
3.) I want to be seen as good enough. Being worthy is something I’m sure many of you may also resonate with. In our [competitive] world, I feel like I always fall into the trap of trying to prove my worth.

What. A. Hot. Mess.

One issue leading to the next and so on. After the realization that I was headed toward this downward spiral of thinking, simply because I was asked by a friend to shoot a wedding with her, I took a step back, asked the Lord for clarity and knew that I needed to run as fast as I could towards this job.

Just as I give myself grace, others too will give me grace if I do, in fact, let them down. There is no point for me to dwell in the idea or the what if of letting someone down. If it happens, I instead need to seek forgiveness, figure out how to improve in the future and learn from the experience.
And trying to make myself look good enough? HELLO I AM GOOD ENOUGH. God says I am. He says we ALL are. There is nothing I or you can do to be more worthy because He already sees us as worthy.

So with all that, shooting with Alison was a DREAM. She had everything organized, explained 100% what the expectations were of me, we bounced ideas back and forth, asked for my thoughts/suggestions, explained clearly what she’d be doing and where and so on! I couldn’t have asked for a better person to work with.

I’m so glad that Sam and Libby found her to document their day! I’ve seen part of their gallery and it’s KILLER! Alison did a magnificent job!

Main Photographer | Grace Creatives

Venue | The Cotton Exchange

Dress | Amelishan

Floral | Self Made

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